i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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