break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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