I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize