I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
