a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
