Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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