Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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