he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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