i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
