I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
