he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
