my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
