Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
