he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You have to summon your inner elephant
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
