you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
