why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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