Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
