I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize