But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
