Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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