Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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