I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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