You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize