I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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