need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
