My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
