I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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