I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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