FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
