I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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