I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
