She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
