but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
