Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
