Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
