dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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