im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
