New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
