Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
