get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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