I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
