there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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