I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
