You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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