pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
