My balls are so social today.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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