I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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