If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
