I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
