Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
