the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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