he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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