need another drink. this is the easiest way
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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