yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
