I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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