When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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