I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
