Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
