Will you blow on my dice?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
