my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
