On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
