i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize