We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize