I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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