We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
