How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
