He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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