pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize