Barsexuality is the new black.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
