Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
