He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
